


You Are the Light I Love to Feel

by twsimpnap



Series: Call Me from California [4]
Category: DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Annoyed Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Candles, Cleaning, Crying, Depressive Episode, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Fluff and Angst, GeorgeNotFound wears makeup, Hopeful Ending, Hurt GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Men Crying, Mentions of medication, Miscommunication, Name-Calling, Not Beta Read, Pet Names, Protective Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), References to Depression, References to Illness, Sad GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Sad with a Happy Ending, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Service Dogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 14:26:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30107352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twsimpnap/pseuds/twsimpnap
Summary: In which Sapnap calls George a brat in a fit of annoyance which sends George spiraling into a hole of sadness. At least his roommates care enough to seek out the help of Clay, the person who makes him smile even in the darkest moments.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: Call Me from California [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2199888
Comments: 2
Kudos: 123





	You Are the Light I Love to Feel

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone :D i hope you enjoy this piece. i worked hard on it and even edited it a few times! let me know what you think. comments and kudos are always appreciated.
> 
> as always, i respect dream and george. if their stance on fanfiction changes, i will be deleting all of my works. this is purely fiction and from my imagination, hence why people are very OOC.

Sapnap was already having a bad day. One would think that having George over would make it better, alas, it didn't. He was speaking a bit too loudly and a bit too much. Even when no one was actively listening to him, he would continue to ramble about whatever came to mind. It was usually endearing, but Sapnap absolutely wasn't having it. He stayed up too late the night before well-knowing that they had to be in the studio at 9AM, Cash had chewed up Karl’s expensive headphones and he wasn't hearing the end of that. Now, George was sitting awfully close for someone who claimed to value personal space. When George realised that the younger boy wasn't paying attention to him, he started poking into his ribs, wanting to get some type of reaction out of him. As the prodding persisted, Sapnap could feel the pot in his head overflowing with boiling water. There was too much stress as of recent and he was trying to get things achieved on the computer, emails were stupid. On top of it all, George was trying to distract him. Or at least that's how he took it. 

"You're a fucking brat. You know that. Right?" He snapped. His tone sounded a bit too serious. Usually, Sapnap only called George a brat as a total joke or when he was poking fun at his relationship with Clay. He sounded way too mean to be joking. George's heart fell into his stomach.

"What?" He asked softly, pulling his hands back into his lap reluctantly. His shoulders sagged, too. He was folding in on himself.

"I have to get shit done, George. I can't be paying attention to you. Go, go somewhere else."

When Sapnap advised him to go somewhere else, he did. George got up off of the couch promptly and pulled on his shoes, snatching his purse from the floor. Maybe he was being a _little_ overdramatic. He didn't appreciate the way he was spoken to, though. The apartment felt cold now, tense. It wasn't something that would be easily recovered. Karl, who was in the kitchen, furrowed his eyebrows when everything fell quiet. That wasn't something he was totally used to. No one was talking nor typing, the TV wasn't on either. He poked his head into the living room for a second to see the brunette pulling himself together hastily. Huh. Sapnap looked up from his laptop to see that George was gone from beside him. He looked over his shoulder to view him searching through his purse for his keys; he assumed.

"Now where are you going?" He asked with a sigh.

"Home. I'm going home."

"You don't have to do that," He said, pushing himself out of his spot to stand on his own two feet. When he told George to go somewhere else, he meant another part of the apartment. Karl would gladly talk with George about whatever if he asked nicely. He wasn’t as busy as Sapnap was right now. He had already done his part for the day..

George looked up with tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, which only made Sapnap's heart sink further. He never meant to make the man cry. That wasn't the point of this. "You don't want me here," He mumbled, plucking his keys out of his purse with his nails.

"I never said-"

He cut him off, "You didn't have to. Bye Sapnap."

Before he could protest, George was out the door with his belongings, leaving Sapnap to stand in the middle of the living room with the dumbest look on his face. Hesitantly, Karl came out to join him, grasping a glass of water in his right hand. He knew George was sensitive, but he also knew he could get a _bit_ annoying. Pointing it out only made him severely insecure about himself which wasn't something anyone wanted to cause. He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, causing him to deflate instantly. They shared a look before sitting back onto the couch together. Karl was always good at aiding in these situations, even after everything had gone to shit. His advice was unmatched. Now, instead of typing up this stupid email, Sapnap was worrying about the boy he just hurt. Angrily, he shut his laptop and set it on the coffee table with a huff.

"You know you shouldn't have called him that. Hm?" Karl questioned with hesitation. He knew that Sapnap knew that, but he wanted to make sure of it before they dove deep into why that had just happened. 

He grunted but nodded, "I know but he was really distracting me and I really need to get this done. I had a bad day, Karl."

" _You_ had a bad day. Does that mean you get to take it out on others? I know you most likely didn't mean to, but it happened. We both know George didn't mean to piss you off."

Sapnap hated that Karl was right. If they weren't best friends, he would have punched him in the face and told him to fuck off. He let out a deep sigh before running his hands over his face to try and relieve whatever stress was building up in his muscles. No matter how hard he attempted to justify what he did, he couldn't. There was no way to. He should've been kinder to George; he was merely trying to cheer him up. With a heavy hand, Karl rubbed at Sapnap's upper back to try and make him feel better. It worked but only for a few seconds.

"Do I text him and apologise?"

"No, not yet. It's too soon... Maybe tonight, give him a call. I think he'd appreciate it."

So, that's what Sapnap did. After dinner, he called George with the idea in mind that he'd pick up instantly. He didn't. It rang and rang and rang, ultimately going to his voicemail which was awfully adorable. He recorded a little message, requesting for him to call back or text whenever he was available. His assumption was he was already asleep, eating dinner or simply avoiding him. All three were absolutely valid. Hours passed with no response so he wanted until the next morning to check for any replies. There was nothing. Days flickered by with no answers from George, which was a bit more than concerning. Sapnap tried not to worry too much since he was living with the girls, but he couldn't help it. Did he hurt his feelings that bad? Was it that serious? He tried waiting it out but soon the days turned into a complete week. Out of pure desperation, he called Clay to see if he had heard anything from George over the last couple of days.

"Hey Sap, what's up?" Clay asked once the call connected. His voice was cheery, Sapnap noted.

"Um, nothing much, I have a question for you... Have you heard from George? Like, within the last couple days?"

When Clay pondered the question, the answer was no. George had texted him towards the beginning of the week to simply inform him that he'd be super busy, so there wasn't a need to text every day. It was a bit suspicious, but he thought nothing of it. He knew George could have those weeks at work where he was spending hours at the studio, only to go home and spend hours on his computer, either caught up in online meetings or other things. It wasn't that out of place for either of them, so Clay didn't blink an eye. Looking at it now, maybe he should've asked more questions or sent texts anyway, even if George didn't reply.

"No... He told me he was going to be busy this week. Why?"

"Last week, I guess that I got a bit too mean with him at the apartment so... He left. I haven't heard from him since that happened and I keep leaving messages, but he has yet to get back to me. I assumed that he was talking to you but maybe I am looking into this too much."

Sapnap was this concerned because he legitimately cared for George. He never meant to snap at him or hurt his feelings like this. It wasn't part of the plan. He did, though, and he wanted to apologise for it. A million times over. He knew that the boy might've taken it poorly and he did. Obviously, he wasn't thinking when it happened. That wasn't an excuse for his mean words, though, Sapnap knew that.

"Oh. Well, I haven't heard from him in a few. Do you, do you want me to go check in on him?" 

"That would be nice, yeah."

Clay nodded a bit despite the fact Sapnap couldn't see him, "Okay, yeah. I'll do that and update you on the situation. Sounds good?"

"Yes, good, great. Thank you, Clay."

The call dropped soon after that. Clay was a bit more worried about the status of George now. He was starting to think the work thing was a hoax so no one would actively check up on him. It's not like he could do anything to himself, anyway. With Kandice and Val both under the same roof, they were most likely taking care of him if something was awry. He got himself dressed as he sent a text to the pink haired girl, informing her of his arrival. She sent back a confirmation text with a simple heart emoji which made him feel like maybe everything was alright. Since he didn't have the car, he opted to walk the distance to the girls' house. It wasn't too terrible but he walked a little faster as the sky grew darker. If it came down to it, he could probably crash in George's bed or have someone take him home. That wasn't his primary concern. He wanted to know if George was alright. Upon arriving at their house, he knocked gently on the door, getting greeted by Kandice and Daisy almost automatically. She looked a little sad when allowing Clay in and she didn't say much either.

"He's upstairs," Kandice offered quietly, "I don't think he's doing too well... I keep checking up on him, but I don't- he won't talk to me. You think you can get through to him?" She asked as they went up the stairs together. Bella wasn't jumping at his feet which made Clay assume she was laying with George.

He nodded hesitantly, "I think so, yeah. He's been going to work, though, right?"

"Uh-huh, only a few days actually at the studio. Appointments are slowing down but he does stuff online."

"Oh, I see."

Before opening up George's bedroom door, Kandice gave Clay a big hug, mumbling a small thank you for coming over to check up on him. She was consistently in the brunettes corner, but no one else had reached out like Clay. He hugged her back tightly, letting out the softest sigh. While Clay wasn't so prepared for what was about to happen, he knew he would hopefully be able to talk to George, figure out what was going on with him. This didn't happen frequently, or so he hoped, and he wasn't adequately equipped to fix the situation at hand. Without hurrying, Clay turned the knob to the door, nudging it open. He was relieved that it wasn't latched. Kandice retreated down the hallway to her bedroom, wanting to lie in the comfort of her girlfriend's arms while Clay spoke to George about his moods. All week, she had seen him fluctuate. One moment he was crying over the fork he dropped on the kitchen floor to getting extremely upset by the baby hairs tickling his face. This wasn't like him at all.

The sight Clay saw inside of George's bedroom was well... Depressing. The usual neat set-up of his room was in disarray. Various clothing items littered the floor along with random shoes. Empty plastic water bottles and food containers sat on top of his desk, dirty bowls and plates stacked on his bedside table. It looked like a bomb had blown up in there. Clay ran his fingers through his hair before shutting the door behind him. He stepped through the mess as he tried not to judge the state of it all. This was nothing like George. He liked things clean, basically spotless. One book out of place bothered him, so how was he dealing with this? His laptop was open but dead next to his sleeping frame. Bella woke up before George did. He closed the laptop and made space for it on top of his dresser, which was most likely the only clean space in here, besides the random drawers pulled out and sorted through. It didn't look like George was sleeping peacefully, either. His face was contorted in an uncomfortable manner, like he was suffering from a nightmare. Clay sat on the edge of the bed before initiating the process of waking the younger boy up. There were a million different things that he needed to discuss with him right now. Starting with what was going on inside of his pretty head.

George groaned through the darkness of his room, thinking it was only Kandice waking him up. She tried to let him get a full night's rest but he missed dinner sometimes which was unacceptable in her eyes. He pushed at the blankets, knees bumping into Clay's back as he tried to arrange himself. There were muttered words lost in the silence of the room. 

"George, baby, it's me," Clay spoke gently, "I wanted to check up on you... Can you wake up for me?"

He rolled over onto his side with a small noise, trying to process _why_ Clay was here, "Huh?"

Clay smiled a bit when he saw his face, "I'm here to talk to you. Is that okay? You haven't been answering calls or texts for a bit."

"Lost it," He grumbled, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Lost what?"

"My phone. I lost my phone. Dunno where it is."

He frowned, reaching down to run his fingers through George's hair carefully, pushing it out of his face for now. Admittedly, he thought George was over losing his phone or leaving it places that it isn't supposed to be. It was obvious it was dead by now. Clay glanced around the room hopelessly. He didn't know where to start when it came to looking for things in here now. Under no circumstances, in the history of knowing each other, did Clay ever see George's bedroom look this messy. He was typically so on top of cleaning and taking care of that sort of stuff. Apparently not this week.

"Okay... Well, your room is a lil' messy. Don't you think you should clean?"

George shook his head, "I don't want to. Not now... Too, too... I don't have the mental ability to make myself clean."

"Would you like some help?" He offered, "I wouldn't mind... Thinking getting this place cleaned up and letting some fresh air in might help you. A little bit, at least. How does that sound?"

He nibbled on his bottom lip as he contemplated the choice. Clay was already being way too nice to him, but maybe he was right about getting his room cleaned up. He could barely maneuver around due to the clutter on his floorboards. Since he was staying home a lot more, George didn't put on makeup but that caused him to avoid mirrors throughout the day. It was better to live not knowing what he looked like than face it. There were a lot of factors adding up to George's ultimate discomfort for life right now. It wasn't something he liked to delve into right now. He pushed himself up onto his elbows before nodding. Clay leaned over and turned on the bedside lamp, frowning when George flinched due to the light.

"I'll start by picking up your clothes, putting them into the hamper. Okay? You can take your shoes and put them back in the closet. Start small and work up." He offered him a faint smile, getting one in return shortly. Bella continued to lay in bed and watch the two work in a comfortable silence. As promised, Clay collected all of George's dirty clothes and set them in his hamper, which was overflowing by the time he was done getting everything together. Seeing the floor was a bit comforting during this time. George put his shoes away in their places, making the pairs look neat along the bottom of his closet. Clay couldn't help but smile a little more at the sight. At least he was up out of his bed right now.

"When was the last time you changed your bed sheets?" The older boy asked as he started to collect dirty dishes to bring downstairs. It would at least be two trips, unless George helped, then maybe it'd only be one.

"Um, I'm not sure," He replied warily.

"We'll change them, then. Gotta get fresh sheets on there at least every two weeks. Did you know that?"

Clay kissed George's cheek as he passed him to take the dishes downstairs. In reality, Clay had been in a headspace like this before, where nothing seemed to matter so a filthy room meant nothing. He wasn't judging George by any means because he understood what it was like. In the process of getting everything clean, he was hoping they would find his cellphone. Silently, he placed the dishware in the kitchen sink before going upstairs for the second load which was much smaller compared to the first. He glanced around the room to see there was a bit of work left to do. Next, George helped Clay take the plastic bottles to the recycling bin in the garage. That cleared off another area of his room. It was gradually coming together.

"Can you grab sheets from the closet? I'll take everything off." He asked to which George nodded. Clay ushered Bella off of the bed before he started taking off the blankets and pillows, then the dirty sheets. Together, they took off the sheets and threw them atop everything else in the hamper. Tomorrow was definitely laundry day. Once the new sheets were on and the pillowcases were replaced, George started making his bed for the first time in over a week. This felt a bit better. Clay opened up his bedroom window and searched for a candle, lighting it up and setting it on the windowsill. The faint smell of vanilla filled the air with ease.

"Do you want to organise your things?" He suggested, pointing towards his desk which was now clean, but everything was out of place. George nodded before tending to that mess. Clay observed him with a content smile before getting down on the floor to look underneath his bed for any sight of his phone. It took a second of moving some boxes out of the way but eventually he discovered it, face down and dead. He sighed to himself as he scooped it up and set it on his table. According to the dust on the back of it, it had been underneath there for awhile.

As George worked on making things look presentable again, Clay fixed Bella's bed setup on the floor. Everything was looking like normal again which was good. Soon enough, the place was cleaned up and checked off of the brunette's mental list of things to do. He stood in the middle of his bedroom and stared at Clay for a second, thinking about the next move. It was embarrassing that he had caught him at a time like this, but he didn't make a complaint. It was kind of him to stick around to help like that.

"When's the last time you bathed?" Clay questioned cautiously. 

He shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek, "I don't know... Probably the other day. Before work."

"You should go take a shower," He urged, "Sometimes that helps you feel better... We can lay down afterwards. Hm? Does that sound good?"

"Mhm... Okay. I'll be back."

Clay kissed him before he left for the bathroom. He sat down on the edge of the bed with a sigh, running his hands over his face. This wasn't how he imagined to spend his night but that was alright. At least he was helping George better himself for now. It was upsetting to see him in such a depressed state considering he had been doing so well over the last couple of weeks. He plugged in the boy's phone and left it to charge on his nightstand, watching as the screen lit up temporarily. For a second, he thought about how many mixed texts and calls he had waiting for him. Hopefully, it wouldn't be super overwhelming. While George was in the shower, Clay found pyjamas for him to slip into once he was out. It was going to feel nice. About ten minutes later, he came into his room, water dripping off of his body with a towel wrapped around his waist tightly.

"Got you clothes to change into," He smiled weakly, "Can I spend the night?"

He nodded as he picked up the top, pulling it on quickly, "Mhm. I would really like it if you did... I'm sorry you had to come out here, though, see me like this. That sucks."

"Hey, none of that," He frowned, "I'm more than happy to help you out. I can't even begin to calculate how many times you've supported me when I was feeling icky. This was nothing, okay? Don't worry... Get changed and we'll cuddle, talk a bit if you'd like." He was hoping to extract some information out of George before they went to bed. It was fine if he didn't, but talking might help. George got changed, throwing his wet towel over the back of his desk chair. He crawled into bed and pulled Clay down along with him. Oh well, his jeans could come off later. A wave of silence washed over the two as they laid in the comfort of one another. This had to be one of George's better nights but that was only because Clay was here to be with him. Bella was doing the trick, but he liked having someone to talk to. If need be.

Silently, George dragged his fingertips up and down Clay's pale skin without words. He was trying to ground himself for the night. Clay let his hands explore whatever he could reach, breathing steadily as he watched him through the yellow lighting. It wasn't an uncomfortable feeling by any means, but it did cause goosebumps to appear. He was starting to drift off to sleep which was a good sign, but he was quickly taken out of that when George spoke up finally. It was a little startling considering how quiet he had been since his arrival.

"I haven't been taking my meds," George admitted out of nowhere, his words coated in shame. At least his voice wasn't shaking. 

Clay sighed. He wasn't surprised by that statement at all but he didn't want to show it. He wasn't disappointed, either. That didn't come as a shock at all. "Oh baby. You should get back on schedule with that, hm? That could be why you're feeling all icky. When was the last time you took them?"

"The day I lost my phone, I think... S'long ago. I'm sorry. I didn't have the reminders on my phone, to tell me when to take them, so I keep forgetting and- and now we're here. I suck."

He dipped his head to kiss him quickly, hushing him. George tasted of toothpaste which was refreshing. "You don't suck. You're only having a bad week and you need someone to help you a bit. There is nothing wrong with that. Okay, babe? I'm here for you. Always."

George nodded before tucking his head underneath Clay's chin, letting out a shaky breath, "I still feel a bit bad, for ignoring everyone and not letting Sapnap apologise to me... He called me a brat, 'cause I was being annoying while he was trying to get work done. That's what pushed me over the edge."

The older boy wrapped his arms around the brunette tighter, like he was supposed to protect him from something, "Sap actually called me earlier, he was worried about you... He didn't tell me what happened, though. I doubt he meant it, when he called you a brat."

He shook his head, sniffling, "I'm tired of people telling me that they didn't mean it. It doesn't matter because they _still_ said it. Saying things out of anger is messed up... I know I get bratty but he sounded so mean when he said it."

"Shh, shh. Okay, hun. I get it, I do... He shouldn't have said it, yes. There is a time and place for that term to be used, and then wasn't one of those times." 

George turned limp in Clay's arms as he closed his eyes, already wanting to get to sleep so they didn't have to talk about this anymore. He rubbed his tears away with his hands before trying to get comfortable against his chest. If he could have one night without haunting things swirling around in his head, he would consider it a win. Clay continued to rub the smaller boys back until he lulled him back to sleep. A pleasant breeze was coming in through the open window, blowing around the scent of the burning candle. Even with George feeling a little miserable, Clay considered tonight to be okay for the both of them. His environment was decent again which always felt nice. Clay didn't want to see it like that again. Once he knew George was asleep, he pressed his lips against his forehead and murmured a goodnight message. After a period of time, he pulled his own phone out of his pocket to inform Sapnap about the situation.

**Clay**  
_All is well for tonight... He was having an episode. Lost his phone. Tomorrow is a new day. I think it is best for him to have space for now, though. I'll talk more with him later._

Upon reading that text, Sapnap was a bit relieved. At least he was still alive and well, from what he could assume from the text. It still hurt to know that he was most likely the cause for said episode even if George didn't admit it to his face. Everything about the current situation screamed that it was him who made the sensitive boy feel that way. He tried not to dwell, though. George was a very forgiving person.

**Sapnap**  
_Okay, good. I hope that he is feeling alright :( Let him know he can text me whenever he is feeling alright again._

**Clay**  
_Will do. Goodnight Sap._

The two left it at that for tonight. Clay assumed that George wouldn't be up to talking tomorrow, or even the next day, but he would inform him that Sapnap was still worried about him. He wrapped his arms tightly around the brunette and held his head close to his chest, stroking his hair. As time passed, he slowly started to fall asleep but he couldn't help but be a little worried about the man against his chest. He pushed all of those thoughts to the side, though. At least for now, anyway. They had a lot of time left together and Clay was really hoping that this would pass.


End file.
